it's just a phase...

my sticks... my music... my coffee... and a new companion, my blog...

so here i am... just overlooking the tinsel that morato is during a saturday night... under a normal state, i'd be out with friends... perhaps with my closest girlfriends... piper or piglet or palaka... i wonder how fritci is now? i hope she's just doing fine with her pregnancy and all... she must be heavenly... i remember forecasting her life that she'd grow old with a baby but without a man... hahaha! only fate would know...

i guess the phase has arrived... when was the last time i had an emotional seizure? ah yeah... last year, it was march... just before summer... i was missing him because memories of our galera vacation resurfaced...

how come i'm having it now again? is it the rain? can't be... it hasn't for days... the season to come... perhaps... or... or the fact that my relationship is threatened again... or maybe this is my normal neurotic me... any attempt to divert my prevailing thoughts and emotions are all but fleeting...

one thing i know, i only go out by myself when i'm really really in despair... a broken man... i don't know why but i just feel lost sometimes... for someone who claims to be intelligient, i'm a wreck at figuring out my self and my life...

an excellent career... fine friends... and i'd like to believe i am spiritually balanced... yet, i feel i'm a mess... is it because fate is taunting... always teasing me... yet when i claim to have it, fate takes it back? this wasn't the first time i was tricked...

i am burning now... and i can't put off the fire... i wish someone would for me...

you see, it wasn't suppose to be this way... yuletide is special to me and in fact, wen the ber months arrived, i was ecstatic... shit! i wasn't expecting this phase at this time of the year... i am trying to turn it off but i am naturally dead these days... i should have lighted a candle for me in columbary to mark my mourning...

i'll light a stick instead... how many minutes does a stick take away from me anyway? i can't remember... i just smile knowing it does...

funny how i can isolate myself from everything... they all move around but i hear nothing... involuntary numbness that seem to magick me somewhere else... i like the word... numb... i hope i literallly learn to be it... not just momentous...

the heck... let dido play for now... sing me my tune while i'm at it... this too shall pass... until then, i'll deal with it...



I didn't hear you leave,
I wonder how I am still here
I don't want to move a thing,
It might change my memory

Oh I am what I am,
I'll do what I want,
But I can't hide

And I won't go,
I won't sleep,
I can't breathe,
Until you're resting here with me.

And I won't leave,
And I can't hide,
I cannot be,
Until you're resting here with me.

I don't want to call my friends,
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed,
Risk forgetting all that's been

Oh I am what I am,
I'll do what I want,
But I can't hide

I won't go,
I won't sleep,
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

I won't leave,
I can't hide,
I cannot be,
Until you're resting here with me.