i don't want to get to the end of my life and find that i have just lived the length of it... i want to also have lived the width of it as well... smiling when the sun rises... dreaming until the sun hides... but for now, i'm letting go... and this goodbye isn't just a new start... it confirms my submission to waiting... while searching...
my apologies... due to my excitement, i miscalculated... from today, we're still 2 nights and a day away from the Ber Months...
still... 
oh gahd... a few hours after i announced that i'm feeling it take effect, here i am... eyes half open... with abundant "muta" and tears...
you see. in 33 years and mind you, my memory serves me well, this is my very first sore eyes... and my oh my, aaaaang hiiiraaaap paaalaaaaa!!!
not only is it soooooo makati but also my eyes feels swollen... and may parang something na magaspang sa ilalim ng lids... worst, kindah masakit na di ko maintindihan at ang init ng mata ko....
i am so tempted to post a pic but it looks much differrent now... very unsightly... baka wala ng magbukas ng blog ko.... hehehe...
although i am truthfully enjoying this... i must admit that i seem to have underestimated this sore eyes ha..... hindi pala siya madaling i-handle... talk about being texted "careful what you wish for" by paige...
i guess ill have to visit the doc tomorrow... but i am actually exploring the idea of letting it's worst condition set in before i have it treated... wala lang... sayang naman kasi... hahaha!
i hope it doesn't hamper blog sessions... hehehe!
isaaaaaaaaang tuuuuuuuuulllooooooog na laaaaaanggg...
pipol of the world... spice up your life... the yuletide season is a night away...
grabeh! i'm so excited i just can't hide it... hahaha!
last night was fab... the Charmed Sisters celebrated their Whitelighter's birthday... we were of course with a few other close friends... Sunshiny May and dear cutsy hubby was present for the occasion too... so was another celebrator, friend jheng... and well, there was a darklighter too... Mr. Apilado... (sorry... it's the only character you'll fit into...hahaha!)
it's been weeks since my last tete-a-tete with my coven... and we had so much catching up to do... in fact, enough stories and points of discussion for a week's supply of blog entry... Leo has taken into account the most essential part of the night... and it is a wonderful entry by the way... sounded like a true blue whitelighter...
let this be the first of the series on how last night transpired...
anyway... i wasn't suppose to be attending to my blog yet because i'm in the middle of conceptualization... but... something got me so so so excited...
piper and i, being the close sisters that we are, shares almost everything... not just men... but...okay... pasintabi po... PATI MUTA AT SORE EYES... yes... MUTA!!!
she has sore eyes... and upon knowing, i jumped for great joy because now is my chance... i want it too... it will be unfair not to have it... it's the most undebatable excuse... the most convenient reason for get-away...
anything piper touches... prue touches too... the tissue she used to clear her eyes of the tears an d muta? oh yes... it is mine to use as well... i need a fair share of the virus or bacteria or whatever is causing those wonderful wonderful wonderful red eyes...
i was actually startiing to feel frustrated... i seem to be fine today... until... uy, makating makati na ang mga mata ko... at... napapapikit na ako repeatedly... hmmmm... is it what i think it is? lehme check sa mirror....
and what a beautiful sight....
just go look closer...sorry i can't have the picture any bigger...sobrang dyahe for other readers...yikey diri naman kasi... but do you see it? i mean, do you see it? there's muta... indeed... my "morning turned evening glory"...
it's starting to take effect... magkaka-sore eyes na ako....
okay... okay... i have a dilemma... i need to shower...i've two meetings to attend at 8pm and 10pm... may i take a bath? i mean, baka luminis ang mata ko? ayoko... it can't... naku noh...baka ma-wash away ang magko-cause ng sore happy eyes...
piper.... piper... your's is getting worst... come on...wag mo ipagdamot yan ha... call on the halliwels and the whitelighter... coffee and blog session naman tayo ng 11pm sa starbucks morato... puhlease see me... if you can't, let me know...i am more than glad to visit you sa house and wipe your eyes with my fingers so i can wipe it then on mine...
gee... do you feel my excitement? hahaha! feel like singing what a wonderful....wonderful world this would be... hahaha!
3 more days pipol of the world... 3 more days and it's the season to be jolly...
YAAAAAAAHOOOOOO!!! I just can't wait...
it was past 3 in the morning... despite being tired and drowsy, we were really enjoying the emotional and intellectual intercourse by confusing ourselves with semantics... it began with chances and choices... that is without revealing it all started with him... we dug deeper into who we are and how our hearts and minds run by defining SPECIAL AND IMPORTANT... both literal and implied...
the questions just went on and on... what is special? what is important? who are special? who are important?
how would you let someone feel that he is special? how would you let someone know that he is important?
is there a difference between being special and being important?
how would you know if you’re special to someone? how would you know if you're important to anyone?
after all, what makes somebody special? what makes anybody important?
would you consider your family important? or special? what about your friends? how about the one you love?
If you had the chance to choose between the two, which would you rather be? why?
which of the two adjectives is more special? and which is more important?
haha! am I complicating simple matters? I think so... but admit it... we sometimes use these words without even knowing what t truly means... it’s importance and why it's special.
i dare say... special people are different from important people... special is someone you’ll never forget the rest of your life... important is someone you need for the rest of your life... now, which is which for you?
special or important? Hmmm…
or would you want to be both?
just like chances becoming choices, one can be both... i will really want to be special and important at the same time to "one" person ... and i want to enjoy eternal bliss with a man who isn't just special... who isn't only important... but with a man who grows special in my heart because he is important... and that i can't live without him because he is special...
round and round it goes... alike to a chicken and egg thing... but to me, it makes sense... i hope it does to you... i pray it does to my angel...
I got my name in lights with notcelebrity.co.uk
THANK GOD IT'S SUNDAY!
a few hours from now and it's over... at least for the time being... what a week it was for me... i just feel that the pressure, stress and tension...lahat na... is way too much for someone who just returned... pitiful prue... hahaha!
I wasn't able to enjoy coffee with some friends... no tete-a-tete with the halliwels... wasn't able to see 'a love story' (though the reviews are not good... it deserves an isyu 101 after watching...)... worst, i don't think i'll be able to have that vacation in Sagada... i'll be damn too tired to leave...
bad implications... a very unpleasant circumstance... so unrewarding... ooooops..again, God... i know you understand what i mean... i really just need to express my dismay... but honestly, i take this as my calling for now... you'll take me away naman from it din di ba? in your time... i probably just need to fulfill something sa grupo... i'm putting it that way... i leave it all up to you God.
I really am just happy it's Sunday na! well... got to head to the shower and proceed to Panay na for mastering... the earlier i finish, the earlier i can rejoice... !!!
a friend just gave me this file... and it in fact made my day...
P.P. was a guest in Entertainment Live yesterday... and if i were to trust Ona's confession, HE ACTUALLY LOOKED FOR ME...
okay... the story began with Ona telling P.P. i am his friend... Friendly One Tooth then goes telling P.P. that i'm a condomate... surprised, P.P. asks if Ona really knows me... then requested to meet me in Dish...
of course i didn't... i couldn't... gusto niya ba akong mamatay na?
i am just glad that he remembers me... hehehe... : ) that is more than enough...
My Lord God, through whom strength is made perfect in weakness, I pray to you, give me the strength I need.
You have said, that to your children who have no might, you will increase strength. I am weak. Bless me with a measure of strength, as may be sufficient for me.
When I am tempted by evil, deliver me, by granting me the power to overcome it. When my daily work is too hard for me, give me the strength to be able to do it.
If my burden oppresses me beyond my bearing, lighten my load, that my strength may be equal to it.
You have helped many, I beg you to help me.
Thank you my Lord.
Amen.
it was suppose to be the 12th day of my self-imposed YOSILESS CAMPAIGN... but as i called it the day, was so provoked to light a stick... no... i had not just one but three...
bad day at work... no matter how much i try to fight it... no mattter how determined i am not to sink deeper... there are times when you really just turn out to be the 'willing' victim...
some things just cease to change... and some people will remain to wear the prada shoes... and of course, one person just won't learn from the past...
what a way to deal with stress... puff the nicotine... and the series of inhale - exhale psychologically relieved me of the frustration... hithit - buga... hthit - buga...
i am fine though... i can still take it... let's just say, dos work will be my sacrifice for now... she will be my object of good deed for the mean time...
God, i know you are with me on this... you are my strength.
when we meet the right person to love when we're at the right place at the right time... others call it destiny... i say it is chance...
when i meet someone i am attracted to, that's not a choice... that's chance... being caught up in a moment (and there's a lot of couples who get together because of this) is not a choice... that's also a chance.
but can chance turn out to be a choice also in th end? what makes chance a choice?
the difference is what happens afterward...
when you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to something committal... when reality sets back after ideals... moments after contemplation and you decide to elevate into a concrete relationship or just a fling... chance then becomes choice...
If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not chance... that's choice... when you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice... even if you know there are far better people out there who may just be houses or buildings away and yet, you decide to love someone distant and challenging just the same, that's choice...
Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance... but true love that lasts is truly a choice... a choice that we make...
and in life, some people are chances... some are choices... but a few can be chances becoming choices...
after our series of chat last night, i then realize what it truly means when i feel i want to love him... my angel was a chance who is now a choice.
a friend showed me this video and daaaaamn... i just can't stop laughing... ang coooooollllit ng baby...
go on... hit it... i promise you'll forget your worries for at least a minute and so...
what do you know... seems like i'm enjoying the abstinence from cigarettes... i just passed the 9th day and still yosiless...
the thing is that i can actually feel the natural dislike to yosi building up... hmmm...
oh well, let's see how long prue can last...
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hmmm... it has been five days now that i have not puffed a stick...
okay...okay... it's not the bid of farewell to smoking... all i'm saying is, for a chainsmoker like me, five days do count for something... for me... for paige's air... hehehe... five days with no yosi is an impossible feat...
hmmm... not swearing to anything BUT i'll push my self to the edge... just see how it feels... what change it will bring forth...
and i say goodluck to me. 
40 pesos a pack... one pack a day... 365 days in a year... that makes it... P14,600 spent for yosi sa loob ng isang taon...
and so i am once again feeling well... pero may malaki akong tampo sa tatlong lalake sa buhay ko.
where were you all?
i purportly didn't inform my angel i'm sick... i wanted to check if he'd feel it.. he's suppose to.. oh well yeah he texted me like everyday of our lives but... but... he should have felt i'm sick... call it lambing...call it overly lambing even... call it high maintenance jowa pa if you want... basta... i'm sick then... i've every right to inarte...
piolo wasnt around even... chelsea went looking for him around abs-cbn to ask for just one 'get well soon' message for me but... huhuhu.... wala siya anywhere sa base... it could have dropped my temperature a degree lower sana kaagad... who knows, i may have gotten well tlga a day earlier...
and of course, the most predictable of all... according from friends and from my bubuwits, kalbo's well aware i'm tinatrangkaso na but well...what do you expect... siyempre... no tawag, no text... the only thing he said was, "tawagan ko pagkatapos ko mag-edit" pero siyempre, i no longer suffer from joint pains... my temp is back to normal... my head feels light again... gumaling na ako't lahat - lahat... nada... still nada.
hmmmm... i have assessed the situation... my angel i can of course forgive... i was asking for the impossible naman... and there goes my sakit again... like what my ate lectured me before, 'if you want something from him, tell him... ask him..." ipa-alam ko daw kung ano ang gusto ko para fair for the guy... makes a point... and now that i'm thinking about it, pinasakit ko lang ulo ko... kung naglambing naman ako, i'm sure it would have been granted... baka nga reciprocated pa with another lambing from him... (kinilig naman ako dun....)
piolo... haaaay... natural... forgive... baka may taping... busy... it's not his fault if he's swamped with projects at puno ang schedule... like my angel, come to think of it... and i am pretty sure, kung nahanap lang siya ni chelsea and nalaman ni P.P. na may sakit ako, i'm sure he'd make me a 'get well soon' message... i'm sure my whim will be granted.
having explained my position and evaluation on my angel and my P.P.... you should somehow be able to understand kung bakit inis ako kay kalbo... if you don't get it, mahina ka... pero mas mahina ako sa 'yo kasi ako ang ultimate engot.... ewan.
kasi po... kasi... both my angel and my P.P. is simply unaware of how i was... eh itong si kalbo, nasabihan...alam niya... nabalitaan siya eh... yet... what? wala.... dedma di ba? porke alam eh...
okay...okay...i so swear... hindi kita ulit papansinin... what ever happens, di na kita papansinin... as in ha, HINDI NA KITA PAPANSININ... i can be civil but i am a changed prue to you... kung ako man nagpalaki ng ulo mo, pwes...ako din magpapaliit diyan! hayaan kong mag-isip ka kung bakit... and the next time na magpapansin ka, titi mong sana comang din tulad ng braso mo... i will not indulge.
(hmmmm..nawala yung artistic churva nung title sa body... masyado akong nadala.... okay..ganito na lang...)
WALA AKONG MAASAHANG TIBAY SA INYONG TATLO, BUTI PA SI TYLENOL, NAPAGALING AKO!
(oks na 'yan... hahaha!)
after ten sneezes, i decided to put on blog my demise...
how amazing... can you actually be sick with fever twice in a row within two weeks? i guess.... i am.
got home last last night at 5am... i was with piper and leo... had fun playing around with our blogs... i wonder why i am sick then... i was very up and about that night.
the next thing i know, i couldn't bring myself to get up at 10:30am yesterday... my head feels heavy and with a runny nose... im suppose to have a meeting with korina regarding the set... baka kaya?
anyway, hey piper im sorry for the silence yesterday... if not unconcious, i was really feeling weak to text or even charge my phone... i wasn't even able to pick up elton's call...
i'd like to make special mention manny, arma, and chelsea for whole heartedly taking care of me and voluntarily going to mercury at 3am kanina for my meds and soup.
and also to weng who is patiently putting on blog this dictation... hahaha... by the way, pakshit ka weng! nahawa ata ako sa'yo.
i think it was a week ago when Manny interested me about the feature of discovery channel (not sure...) on people who fear getting old... we were just talking about it 2 nights before he saw it... i remember telling him "sobra akong takot tumanda..." that just thinking about it practically creeps me out...
here i am, suddenly researching on it...
GETTING OLD PHOBIA:
(Gerascophobia, Gerontophobia, Fear of Old People, and Fear of Growing Old)
1: getting old phobia: a persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of growing old or old people , despite the understanding by the phobic individual and reassurance by others that there is no danger. 2: getting old phobia: a strong fear of, dislike of, or aversion to growing old or old people...
not all my friends know... well, i am actually not sure who knows about it but i am sure i've shared this with close friends... other than the fact that i fear growing old ALONE, it is the "growing old" per se that i am so terrified with...
okay... this may be the reason why my perceptions on death is so unorthodox... it isn't like as if i invite death to come my way but i hope it does before i wrinkle to kingdom come...
what about growing old anyway?
i don't know... i guess i don't want to be walking with my back arched... bald or with gray hairs... wrinkled skin, if not sagged fats...
ewan ko...basta... i feel that no matter how much i swear to be smiling everyday even when i'm old, the thought that you're life is wilting away scares me...
but is it really just those?
i don't want to reach the age when i can barely recognize the people around me... not remembering their names... not being able to wrestle... that i will have to be accompanied everywhere i go... kung meron mang aalalay sa akin...
i want to be remembered young...vibrant... full of life... free-spirited...
able to throw the tighest embrace and the warmest smile...
and gahd, i just realized now... what if i unfortunately don't lose weight by the time i'm 60...? inaykopo...! paano na? with bones so weak... grabe... baka i won't be able to get up from the bed na... hahaha! 
can you imagine?
The thing is, I may as well be one of those living dead that I see walking around me, people whose lives have lost the color of life... the spontaneity... the 'let's enjoy the spur of the moment' principle...
that is the result of the occasional abandonment of sanity by one like me who has the pure zest for existence... that i'd like to believe.
The toil of the regular days in production... when work and other seemingly urgent responsibilities take too much out of my life, which eventually reveal as emptiness... 10 years and nada...
this is what i detest or should learn to... it has a way of getting into my supposedly planned-out free-spirited life...
but since i wasn't careful enough... now i'm back to being a zombie... no life... just walks around...
i am again a beast... jaded and bitter...
WAKE UP... WAKE-UP PRUE... it is just a bad dream... it will be over some time soon... just hold on to sanity...
this is the start of a personal project and what will be an incessant work in progress until THE DAY...
just wanted to give it a test.. and so i begun with the first capsule of the chronicle...
a very rough execution... the mats... the transitions... the effects... the pulse on the editing... only the music is good to go... it's by the way only one of a long repertoire...
hmmmm.. i can't talk much about it for now... i am actually elated... ironic? to feel that way about a such a project... i don't know... pretty heretic...
hey, if anyone intends to preview, i suggest you pause my default music for the meantime...
and don't judge it... not just yet... like i said... nothing is final but the song... even the visuals will be changed...
and until then i've sunrises to behold...
for now... i need my sight of the sea... i need the cool breeze to brush my arms and face which by the way is just outside but i am stuck in the office... i miss my angel... i miss the good conversation... the laughter... oh gaaahd... what wrong did i do? need i ask? tanga!
one sunrise... just one... please... i feel suffocated now... i am not complaining God... please don't take it as that... you know what i mean... help me have that choir... i want it...make me want it more so i can work at it...
my clock seems to tick faster now... when was my last tawa with the halliwels? i haven't touched my harry potter book? will i ever? oh gaaaaaad... of course i will... you see, i am just terrified... i can feel it coming back...
prue...prue...fight it... don't let it... please prue... i feel like crying... not because of the pressure...not becasue of the load of work...magaan pa nga kung tutuusin... it's the feeling that some things are being stolen from me again... how come explaining to people is difficult again? how come lumalabas ulit litid sa leeg ko? your fault... not anybody else'...
i can feel that i am not happy... something i did... shit! no... no... fight it...
it is just momentous.... it won't be like this everyday... not every week... it won't happen again...
brace yourself prue... you are just overreacting... am i? she seems to be everywhere again... meetings, phone calls, text... gaaahd... not my dreams...please... okay...okay... enough...
next weekend... i'll have an overnight i calatagan... dun sa beach na pinuntahan namin ni jessie... all i need is just an overnight... stars, the shore, the whispering sea... oh... the sunrise.... the spirit is growing... okay... okay... i am now smiling... i have somehting to look forward to now... yes...that's it...
il bring myself to the beach... peace and quiet... i can still do that...
was jumping from one blog to the other and i saw a post with this clip from youtube...
really aliw... light entry muna to break-away from the disturbance threat of "my return of the come-back" (i know you get the drift...) ... so indulge with me please...
i chanced upon the full trailer of Aga and Maricel's movie, A Love Story... just click on the blog title if you wanna see it too..
kindah got struck with the question... When will love ever be enough? hmmm... it's an isyu 101 topic... hahaha! well, if i am not mistaken... we have had that topic before...
anyway, when will love ever be enough? anybody wanna share a vein of their heart?
and there goes the question most of us can practically relate... if not, atleast has found ourselves in the same predicament... when does a wife become a mistress? when does a mistress become a wife? hmmm...
teka... teka... ganito na lang... let us address the premises in the movie...
1) Who are you in real life?
a. Aga - the one who just needs to be loved
b. Maricel - the one who just willingly gives it
c. Angelika - the one who will do anything just to have it
2) Should you find yourself in a troika relationship, who will you be? the one who will fight for him? or the one who will make the sacrifice?
3) when will love ever be enough?
hahaha...corny noh... hahaha... let me start...
I think i am... honestly, i think i am Maricel... and the one who will make the sacrifice should my man have another... to begin with, hindi pinagtatalunan yun... ipamigay kung may iba... hahaha!
Now the hard part, when wil love ever be enough?
hmmm... next entry yun... ang hirap... i am not built for it for the moment... mahabang sagot... i need to come off from a fragment in the past...let me hold back for a while
P.S. naku ha...P.P. kasalanan mo ito... nahihilig tuloy ako sa pelikulang pilipino na love story...
okay...okay... i'm finally sharing my pictures of P.P. with you guys... and while i'm doing this entry, i can't breathe... there goes that feeling again, naiiyak ako... hahaha!
gaaaahd... kailangan kita... hahaha!
okay...game!
i don't have words to describe the feeling... really... all i know is P.P. should be my friend... one day he will be...
Just look at him in Blessie and Vicky's picture... i mean, gaaaaaaahd!
i have two pictures of him wiithout a shirt on... now that's mine alone... hehehe...
from here on...
NO RICE!!!
NO RICE!!!
NO RICE!!!
natural diet is not for me... i'v e accepted that... but i will push...
ALL SYSTEMS GO FOR DIET SI PRUE!!!
*** "I was browsing my friends in my friend's list and I saw your pics. You look very happy (with your Angel, that is). I am glad you are. Nakakatuwa ka.
When people are happy, they tend to think better. I hope you can translate that happiness to more creative work and produce. Alam ko naman na magaling ka sa field mo.
Ciao, classmate." ***
this was a message from joey, a seatmate in college... we weren't really close.. in fact, the only role i played in his college life was this pig ass who bullies him to no end... oh and yes, i am gay and a bully back then (perhaps, even up to now...)...
this is why i appreciate his nice comment... i wouldn't expect anyone to actually validate something i've validated with myself before... i mean the most i'd expect is a simple HI, MUSTA... but for a "nobody" to affirm my genuine happiness is pucha... katuwa talaga...
am i that transparent? did that smile really translate my heart's gladness?
thanks joey... thanks my angel... thank you Lord...
joey's friendster message reminded me again the bliss i share with my angel and that the subsequent lack of time and togetherness must not be allowed to affect the relationship we are building... hard but can be achieved when willed.
Woke up early today and feeling good... i had a couple of dreams... they were like segments running over a tv program where i am the host (perhaps, it is the subconscious thought of my return to Rated K)...
there was a part when i was doing a monologue on love... i couldn't exactly recall what i was saying in my dreams but i was sure it was something about it...
aha... it was on how we can measure OUR LOVE... of who we are... a pillar of truth from which i base my judgement... though not necessarily meaning that i live up to it... but i want to learn it...
anyway, here goes...
How is love described? It's in the Bible...
I Corinthians 13:4-7, TLB.
"Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him."
a month from now and it will be the -BER months already... my countdown continues til december 20...
and along with my waiting, i pray to Him for greater strength... a deeper sense of committment... a sincerer faith...
it is because i'm feeling it kick in... even in the presence of our daily chat, i am now starting to feel that we are geographically far apart... damn the rain... it makes me imagine scenes... if only i am wrapped around in your arms, maybe then i'd feel secure during the cold nights... or maybe yet, if we hadn't shared sweet nights in bed, then maybe i have nothing to miss at all except the superficial comfort of having my angel in my life... but i am very thankful you left me with those moments.
maybe, i'm being this emotional because i know that as days go by, your work is becoming more and more demanding and that you can't be with me during office hours... unlike before when even at work, we spend at least an hour or so of incessant chating...
nothing has changed though except for the time... you still are the same... you have this way of making me feel missed as well... that you are happy i am on-line...
every time we talk about our next dumaguete trip come yuletide, you impress me of an US... thank you angel...
i am missing you more...
