PRUE HALLIWEL ::: OBSERVER OF LIFE

i don't want to get to the end of my life and find that i have just lived the length of it... i want to also have lived the width of it as well... smiling when the sun rises... dreaming until the sun hides... but for now, i'm letting go... and this goodbye isn't just a new start... it confirms my submission to waiting... while searching...

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Monday, June 30, 2008

we wish it were two but no...

it has been a classic discussion between friends... a subject within the isyu 101 group... private conversations with my bff... a debate between old timers and new ones when it comes to relationships and it's apparent twin... where there is love, there must be pain...

but as far as i remember, nobody made a claim... nobody said it's just fine... no one had the guts to say, it's allowed in social norms... worst, in His eyes.. the only stand everybody is willing to own up to is that... IT HAPPENS... IT DOES... like it or not, it happens to everybody... and yes, i'd be the first to hit any self-righteous biotch who says, in all of her life, she has only loved one... and only one...

if you can drive safely while kissing someone, you are not giving the kiss the attention it deserves... albeit, the object of desire... the same can be said of love...

of course, there are different forms of love but to be clear, i am obviously referring to the romantic variety...

is it possible to love two people at the same time?

i always say. BUT OF COURSE... why can't we... why can't the heart... being emotional, i strongly say yes... wait... in fact, i am also being cerebral when i affirm the possibility of loving two people at the same time...

question is... will it work? when you love two people at the same time, will both succeed? who ends up hurt? and i am not just referring to the two objects of affection... all three in the circus...

there are, obviously, some practical issues to be entertained... jealousy, which would make the likelihood of succeeding and maintaining such relationships, improbable...

aside from the impracticality, is it possible to feel the emotion of love for two different people concurrently fair? well, again... there goes my theory of 100%.... but that is a whole new argument...

perhaps we should look at the origin of these feelings... if someone truly loves another... surely there is no need or benefit or even any will to look for solace beyond the relationship... the presence of another is already where we find solace and refuge... but that is in the case of a doomed relationship with the first...

how is it then when the first and former love was calm, peaceful and most of all, admittedly, non-problematic... is it still about refuge? is it still about solace? or is it already about succumbing to temptation... allowing ourselves to stray... at whose expense? the willing second... the other party?

this special bond with another person with whom we are able and willing to share everything (as we falsely claim...) may sometimes be an extra boost of confidence... of self-esteem... you see, love can at times consume our soul and force us to believe it is about giving when in fact, we subconsciously stay because of what we receive... of the security blanket it provides...

developing feelings for another suggests an absence of a crucial component in the relationship... fidelity... trust... exclusivity...

most will hate me for this but really, there is an impression that where such a condition exists, the faltering element is sex-related... issues of this kind would not necessarily mean that love is not apparent between the couple but could possibly equate to seeking more fulfillment beyond contentment... why settle for one when we can have two huh?

when we give in to the feeling of having another love, no matter how much we deny there's nothing in between or atleast nothing formal... still, there's an invisible mutual thing between the two.... but come to think of it, the fact that there's no committment already precludes the essence of love...

is the absence of knowledge from the other partner an acceptable alternative? shouldn't love be exposed... expressed... be proud of... not that it has to be shouted and declared to the universe... but keeping it in the hide is a way to protect not the love but ourselves... from what? perhaps from embarassment... from the complications... why?

the why is a good question that needs a good answer... why... hmmm... i maybe wrong... of course i can be... but let me say this, we fear the complications because even before it arises, we are already acknowledging the fact that there is a big tendency we won't be able to fight for it... that we may only be driven to part... to separate from the other love...

we hide... we lie... we deny... because we can't fight for it... or... because all the while we know, one will really have to go... and giving up it's comfort is something we don't want...

who admits to both... who doesn't lie to both... who doesn't hide from any of the two... only the one who from the very start is clear that it was all about making the other count while it lasts... it might have been love... yes... it is... but let's drop the delusions of 'can't live without'...

when we say 'we fight for love'... we make a stand... we choose... one over the other... no matter how high the stakes, you defend and protect... not ourselves but the love...

until then... the state of being in love with two people at the same time... is only a phase of confusion... if not, a stage of pure infidelity... don't anybody get me wrong... love is still what we have but we don't give it the kind of respect it deserves... love should never be in the hide... i am firm on that... but of course, that's just me...

having an affair or even harboring secret emotional ties to another, is not at all that bad... it is part of humanity... but it is harmful... to all parties... to the one who gives... and to both who receives... and then gives in return...

WE CAN LOVE TWO PEOPLE AT THE SAME TIME... BUT WE CAN ONLY LIVE ONE RELATIONSHIP... ONE HAS TO STAY... ONE HAS TO BE LOVED FROM AFAR... LIVING BOTH RELATIONSHIPS IS DECEIVING BOTH LOVES... AND DECEIT IS NEVER LOVE...

***

so many will say that love cannot exist without trust and intimacy... oh yeah? from whose book? whose theory?

oh well, i believe it can't without trust... but intimacy? if love is about total surrender and sacrifice, then it can...

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