PRUE HALLIWEL ::: OBSERVER OF LIFE

i don't want to get to the end of my life and find that i have just lived the length of it... i want to also have lived the width of it as well... smiling when the sun rises... dreaming until the sun hides... but for now, i'm letting go... and this goodbye isn't just a new start... it confirms my submission to waiting... while searching...

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Wednesday, September 26, 2007

do we ever really forget?

piglet made a remark today... "hay naku, si ____ na naman, naiinis na naman ako..."

two days ago, she said... "diyos ko naman, si ____ na naman... hindi mo na siya nakalimutan..."

she was referring to a former love... an affair from the past...

piper too one day of last week pointed out... "talaga namang na-segue si ____..." it is because out of the blue, in the middle of a conversation, i again referred to him...

since these remarks, i have actually been reflecting... asking myself... why do i keep mentioning his name? why have i always been injecting him in conversations? why do i continually bring him up? have i not forgotten about him?

DO WE EVER REALLY FORGET?

i am in a relationship now... and though we are presently oceans apart, i am happy with how things are between me and my angel... it isn't like i have no complaints... i do... maybe i just don't sweat about them since i'm trying to change... at least the way i handle relationships now... i have to admit, i've been a hard ass to deal with in the past... high maintenance as KD once described when we were in puerto galera...

then again, if i claim to be happy... how come i seem to be holding on to memories of the past... ok...ok... it isn't bad to treasure images but then, considering the remarks of my friends, i may have subconsciously reflected "holding on"... and that is quite a whole different story from "living in the present"...

i always believed that friends at most times see what we can't... and much as i am convinced i am over and done with my past love, i cannot deny what my friends have observed... now that they have mentioned it, i think it is true... he lives on in my head...

is it possible that even when we're sure that the heart has recovered... and accepted... still, after... say... hmmm... 3 years... despite the heart's forgiveness... the mind just continues to remember...

am i even making sense? shit! i don't know...

i guess i am bothered... i've made choices but some things just don't tie up... doesn't even make sense...

one thing i realized too, the problem with association... when you have associated one person to something or someone, you can't help but be reminded... how do i deal with it? i don't know... maybe the natural death hasn't completed its cycle...

maybe, the past hasn't reached its last breath...

no... i am changing the tone... IS IT MAYBE, THE PAST HASN'T REACHED ITS LAST BREATH? the last thing i want is to entertain "last breath" as frustration... neither as hope...

i have glorified ____ enough... one day, you'll be buried not just in the past... but in the depths of forgetfullness...

after all, it isn't always the heart that follows the mind... the mind too listens to the heart...

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My life is not extra-ordinary but it has stories to tell...

THESE ARE THE MOMENTS!!!