the best birthday gift...

a month has passed already since my birthday but i still relish...

first, he invited me to dinner to celebrate my birthday with him... and that we'd have a celebration cake together... it was the first time we'd go out just the two of us...

there would have been instances before but i always shy out of it... inviting common friends to go with us... i don't know... i just fear being with him by myself... it's like drowning... i just can't breathe.. i feel like gasping for air... to be with him... and just us... kindah pulls me deeper into the pit... get what i mean? it's how it feels, isn't it...

and writing about it now... whoa... hahaha... you'd choke me to death for being overly nostalgic... (i hate that word... knowing what it means... hmp!)

during dinner, he asked what my birthday wish was... WTF... not that one... you can't ask about that... okay, i can be brave... and so i sold myself out... go figure...

we shared so many stories... about our past... the present... and the future... about formers and hopefuls... on dreams... wants... and goals...

wow... i think that was the first time we ever spoke with each other that way... that close... been friends for almost three years now... but it is only then that we seem to be shedding realities...

it was a nice feeling that we are getting closer... knowing more about each other is a good thing... speaks better of friends after all...

we ordered so much as we wanted to pig out but lo and behold, i am a different person with him... hahaha... we didn't finish any of it...

an hour or two have passed and i wasn't really sure if he'd have more time for me or he just tried to fit me into his busy sched... but i guess, the night was mine... so we had dessert in cheesecake's morato...

still pigging out... we had 4 different cakes and mousses served with 3 extra orders of whip cream... such a sweet night i would say...

hehehe!

up to now i still can't believe how much i've opened ip myself to him... sharing even my unfortunate romantic becomings...of past relationships... of how i thought i had my dream love...

the farthest thing in my mind was to off-put him... well, he appeared not... and i thank him so much for being receptive... even showed signs that he can't believe i ever submitted myself to such a relationship... he required affirmation... and so i went on with details of my past relationship... not with angel... but with mr. ace on-line editor...

it was a perfect night... the kind i really prayed for... God is so good to me... i am not asking for a relationship with this guy... nothing romantic... we can't i know and i accept... accept? wait... hmmmm.... ewan ko... my diction is short for now... can't find the apt word for how i feel... it hurts to long for him... to miss him... to want him so much... but i won't push at the expense of pure friendship...

for now... i'm fine with the fact that he knows I LOVE HIM... for two and a half years now, yes... I HAVE BEEN LOVING HIM... NEAR AND FAR... fuck shit fuck... hahaha! he won't like these words and curses... too christian, straight, well-mannered and very scholastic.... but not boxed... and it's part of what i like about him... he bends to normalsy without losing his clear set of values...

proceeded to have tea in bang coffee... just to cap the night and soothe the heavy feeling of being too full... for him, it's not usual... he's very conscious of his diet and physique... his dilemma? burning the calories off the next day...

which i doubt if he can get up early... after all, it was past 4am when we headed home... no... we didn't head home... he brought me back to the condo and he went home... to be very specific... LOL...

speaking of the next day... saturday night was set for the grill party on the condo rooftop... will he come? we're both not sure... friday especiale with him would be the best way to culminate my birthday week...

without sounding too unfair to everybody else who celebrated with me... i am really really sorry... but our date tops the chart... harharhar!

i am not the bit intersted to pursue saturday plans... after all he's not sure to come... no... he has to... otherwise, my celeb ends not with him...

oh heck... i've invited too many close friends already... and the sky is clearing... reading the signs... i should get on with it... my dete too is coming after all...

every minute, i whispered... please please please... make him come... make him see the light.... make him feel he should attend... that i will be devastated if he doesn't...

guess what?

the best gifts really don't come wrapped in fancy papers... just in plain but charming black...





P.S.

he and my dete got along pretty well... it was the first time they met each other... knowing my dete likes him is a big deal to me... i dream that my guy will really be close with her...