men in mine...

men have come and gone in my life... BUT some remain in my heart... others i choose to forget... one ceases to be buried...

haaaay...the games we play with love... the deceit we all fall prey to... much as we try to be smart while the heart beats foolishly, sometimes... we are just too dumb to recognize which is and which is not.

the song of bryan adams "when you love someone" best defines and describes how i am when in love...

When you love someone - you'll do anything
you'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain
you'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
when you love someone

you'll deny the truth - believe a lie
there'll be times that you'll believe you can really fly
but your lonely nights - have just begun
when you love someone

when you love someone - you'll feel it deep inside
and nothin else can ever change your mind
when you want someone - when you need someone
when you need someone...

when you love someone - you'll sacrifice
you'd give it everything you got and you won't think twice
you'd risk it all - no matter what may come
when you love someone
you'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
when you love someone

let me see... who are the men in my life now?

hmmmm... this part i will enjoy.

the one who fills my dreams... the one who with just a vision or the slightest visual makes me wanna cry... the one who makes me feel there's so much to long... grabe! the man who makes my heart stop from beating... but with blood rushing to my head...

I sent him two of baguio country club's famous raisin bread... good sheperd ube... chocolate flakes and lengua de gato... gaaaaaahd.... i am not a fan... puhlease.... i am an admirer...hahaha! the things you do when in-love... and yes! i am in-love with piolo! anyone can have my career...but let me have piolo please... that is the bargain!

i think he soooo remembers me now... "o si otep ulit... " is what he said and in a jovial manner followed up with "naku... natatakot na ko niyan ha..." hahahaha! well, i too feared that's how it will be... naaaamaaaan...magpadala ba kasi ng pasalubong...very stalker...hahaha!

lizet called me while she was beside piolo... upon realizing it was me on the other line, he said he's making me a letter... asked for a pen and paper...

" otep, thanks a lot for the stuff... grabe! paborito ko pagkain na binigay mo... the best! smiley Piolo"

unlike piolo, who somehow shows appreciation to what i do... this guy... this bwisit na kalbo with poknat has been ignoring me... showing no signs of anything that acknowledges my admiration.... hahaha.... as if... well, apart from that text message he forwarded me weeks ago... a text which expressed my sentiment when he resigned from Rated K... nothing more...

and i hate it everytime he addresses me "kuya otep"... makes me feel guilty... he's not really stunning... goodlooking, yeah! but not really someoone who swoons a lady or anyone of my kind... i dont actually know what about him captures me... my attention...ewan ba?! basta... this guy, i can't find an exact rationale to my behavior... many ires have been irked upon knowing i like him... some have thrown biases and prejudices... well, maybe because of his gentle moves... his courtesy... his somewhat boxed character... then again, maybe, it is what i like about him.

IVAN... IVAN...IVAN... either i hate you or i love you... but everytime i promise myself to put you aside and neglect you, you emerge... you resurface... you make an entrance... i know i dont love you (maybe not yet... ).... i'm well aware i'm simply infatuated... but just a call from you... just a simple Hi... wala na, you melt my heart.... ewan ko sau... bwisit... hahaha!

ultimate sitner with you... a memory so vivid... you may not really remember it... you were probably not even conscious you did it... hmmmm... it was a tight night for us... for you and me... super ngarag because of korina's Bandila report... i went back ahead of you sa RK office... you followed minutes after to get some papers for graphics... you sat beside me... and rested your head against my shoulder... wow... it wasn't being sweet of you (ikaw pa... alam kong wala yun...) but i treasure that moment in my mind... i wish you'de let me take care of you... hahaha! that everytime you're tired, you'd let me offer you my shoulder...

both men i can never have... but that's just fine... Piolo and Ivan live in my imagination only to amuse me... WHAT TRULY MATTERS is i am with the one and only person i need to nourish my heart...MY ANGEL... THE MAN I PRAY WILL BE THE ONE TO FULFILL MY WANTED IDYLLIC (real) LIFE...

When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of Mine

I look at you looking at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
Gonna love you boy you are so fine
Angel of Mine

How you changed my world you'll never know
I'm here for now, you helped me grow

Chorus:
You came into my life
Sent from above
When I lost the hope
You show my love
I'm checkin for you
Boy your right on time
Angel of Mine

Nothing means more to me then what we share
No one in this world can ever compare
Last night the way you moved is still on my mind
Angel of Mine

What you mean to me you'll never know
Deep inside I need to show

(Chorus)

I never knew I could feel each moment
As if they were new
Every breath that I take
The love that we make
I only share it with you
You, You, You, You

When I first saw you I already knew
There was something inside of you
Something I thought that I would never find
Angel of Mine

(Chorus)

How you changed my world you'll never know
I'm here for now you helped me grow
I look at you looking at me
Now I know why they say the best things are free
Checkin' for you boy your right on time
Angel of Mine

angelologists describe angels as the essence of love and joy and stem from the Heart of God... if it's the case, then my angel deserves this term of endearment.

i am even astound how i am missing him despite the brevity of our time together... and even still, now that we are geographically apart, i am even more amaze that we continue to share the same fire as we did when he was still here...

you see.. i dont know if ours is a qualified long distance love affair... our daily chat bridges the gap... in fact, i say, i seem to be loving him more as each day goes by...

i used the word "loving"...oh well, there have been times i used it loosely... coining a feeling i am not even sure... i wouldn't dare say this one is different... but i dare say, he makes me want to love him... more and more... we have no labels... but we are US... it's a mutual thing... i am assured... maybe i dont deserve to be called 'angel' but it is what he calls me... but more than how we address each other, it is the feeling of appreciation...

my angel isn't the tall, dark, handsome type... neither is he a Piolo Pascual... he's not even the type who will be my "crush"... he's the simple guy in the corner capable of the best intellectual intercourse... good conversationalist... may pagka-promdi... hehehe... oh it is one of the traits i'm so turned on about him... affluent english in a visayan accent... with a nice smile... a height just about mine... and a slender body... balbon... hehehe... (other anatomical traits cannot be discussed)

but what really captures me goes beyond his looks...

my angel is an achiever, in every sense of the word... mature and responsible... a good son...

has a sensitive heart and when we're just together, he doesn't hold back... i appreciate that he is comfortable with me... i feel secure in his embrace...

i used to be a 'sunset' guy... i still enjoy the setting of the sun but the 'sunrise' has a different meaning now... my life has evolved... a new day... a new phase... a new reason to live...

he was the first man in my life who woke me from a peaceful sleep... while i am sealed in his arms... only and just so i can witness the rising of the sun with him...

words will never be enough to describe it... only the heart would know the celestial feeling...

and i never thought that the sunrise has a secret beauty... revealed only when shared with THE ONE YOU LOVE... AND THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU.