PRUE HALLIWEL ::: OBSERVER OF LIFE

i don't want to get to the end of my life and find that i have just lived the length of it... i want to also have lived the width of it as well... smiling when the sun rises... dreaming until the sun hides... but for now, i'm letting go... and this goodbye isn't just a new start... it confirms my submission to waiting... while searching...

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PRUE SAYS...

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Sunday, February 18, 2007

Even Superheroes die...

Back in high school til college, i thread into new worlds as Superman... or as Jean Grey, the Phoenix...

I was a superhero... gifted with super powers of enormous strength and the ability to soar high...

Not that i enjoyed envisioning myself as somewhat savior of lives... a protector of truth... or as a mutant who despite being different and being despised by nations still defended those who disliked me...

i then mirrored myself to be Death or Dream of Vertigo... i was either obsessed with the concept of dying and living in an after-life or in a distinct plane... or was at times, drowned in the illusion that i shape and influence how my dreams will develop it's story...

And as i grow to be more accustomed to being gay, I have completely created a twin in the character of Prue Halliwel of Charmed... who up to now, i continue to portray... a spellcaster... a witch... but uniquely apart from the hated version of wiccans in the old times... but rather a modern day practitioner whose greatest power emanates from her heart... its ability to embrace pain...

As Prue, i am a heroine without a cape... i am not capable of flight but rather projects my astral self and be in two places... with enormous strength of will and determination... yet, still was not able to spare herself of the many hurts love seems to invite...

On a day when the reference i cannot recall, i realized, no matter how many superhero selves i have become... one truth remains... Faces may change.. costumes will vary... powers will differ... but my weakness stays the same...

I am still with a heart made not of steel... nor can't it be denied of its existence by a second life... and obvously, no spells or potions can protect it from real emotions....

And it is because of this commnality in my many superhero forms... that i am now dying...

Indeed, even superheroes die...

We too can be killed in a single blow... our minds lobotomized and incapacitated to process the least logic of surviving...

Who said survival is an instinct... to animals perhaps... but to my kind... when wounds are not healed by time, i cease to live... i regress and submit to death...

Even as a superhero, i die...

And the greatest weapon that brought my defeat... my williing surrender... is the most powerful ever known to mankind... even the gods themselves lost their heavens to it...

LOVE...

and today, my LOVE... his LOVE... their LOVE... warrants my death...

Their unheard vows of committment was like fire that burns me... superman has fallen from the sky... death couldn't escape hers... dream turns into a nightmare... Prue could no longer project...

I am no longer able to save anyone....let alone rescue my self...

It would be fitting for me to kiss the wind and whisper good tidings for you.... but i can't... i couldn't...

I feel no more... i am afloat... where it leads me, i do not know...

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

BELL, BOOK AND CANDLE...

You were the reason for my being... i trusted there is no losing hope (if only you believe)... and so i held on to life...

Now In my heart, you are the light that never fades away... the force that keeps me going...

But then also, you were the cause why my heart seems to recognize no love from then... Even if it hit me head on, I still wouldn't realize... My eyes are now shut... my heart has stopped beating... It has turned ice-cold...

and without remorse, I curse the day i allowed my self to fall... for even up to now, i keep falling... and falling... and falling... and no one to catch me....

I was wrong to believe you were rescuing me... you were just gravitating me more to sink deeper into the pit...

I wish you held my hand the 1st day and lead me to the way out... showing me an escape route so I don't get confused... Who else is best to guide but you... I follow your every word...your every move... your every dream...

Only you can save me.... but it's now too late... i am loving you so much it hurts me more than i thought it would... even with you gone in my life.

Bell, Book and Candle by Eddi Reader...
Bell, book and candle
blue around the morning moon
the colour of your eyes
I remember holding you
a fall through summer skies
you’re everything that I’ve become
every word I say
I need a bell, a book and candle
to keep your ghost away
white horses on a {aah} troubled sea
your smile will flash through time
up ahead a blackbird’s wing
your hair will come to mind
every night I see your face
when I have to pray

I need a bell, a book and candle
to keep your ghost away
{aah}keep your ghost away
keep your ghost away
I need a bell, a book and candle
to keep your ghost away
just before the thunder roars
I sense you next to me
and as I move through nature
I know where you will be
so I must keep myself apart
here is where I’ll stay
with a bell, a book and candle
to keep your ghost away
keep your ghost away
keep your ghost away
I need a bell, a book and candle
to keep your ghost away, ah

blue around the morning moon
the colour of your eyes
I remember holding you
a fall through summer skies
you’re everything that I’ve become
every word I say

I need a bell, a book and candle
to keep your ghost away

My photo
My life is not extra-ordinary but it has stories to tell...

THESE ARE THE MOMENTS!!!