5 yosiless days...

hmmm... it has been five days now that i have not puffed a stick...

okay...okay... it's not the bid of farewell to smoking... all i'm saying is, for a chainsmoker like me, five days do count for something... for me... for paige's air... hehehe... five days with no yosi is an impossible feat...

hmmm... not swearing to anything BUT i'll push my self to the edge... just see how it feels... what change it will bring forth...

and i say goodluck to me.



40 pesos a pack... one pack a day... 365 days in a year... that makes it... P14,600 spent for yosi sa loob ng isang taon...

buti pa si tylenol...

and so i am once again feeling well... pero may malaki akong tampo sa tatlong lalake sa buhay ko.

where were you all?

i purportly didn't inform my angel i'm sick... i wanted to check if he'd feel it.. he's suppose to.. oh well yeah he texted me like everyday of our lives but... but... he should have felt i'm sick... call it lambing...call it overly lambing even... call it high maintenance jowa pa if you want... basta... i'm sick then... i've every right to inarte...

piolo wasnt around even... chelsea went looking for him around abs-cbn to ask for just one 'get well soon' message for me but... huhuhu.... wala siya anywhere sa base... it could have dropped my temperature a degree lower sana kaagad... who knows, i may have gotten well tlga a day earlier...

and of course, the most predictable of all... according from friends and from my bubuwits, kalbo's well aware i'm tinatrangkaso na but well...what do you expect... siyempre... no tawag, no text... the only thing he said was, "tawagan ko pagkatapos ko mag-edit" pero siyempre, i no longer suffer from joint pains... my temp is back to normal... my head feels light again... gumaling na ako't lahat - lahat... nada... still nada.

hmmmm... i have assessed the situation... my angel i can of course forgive... i was asking for the impossible naman... and there goes my sakit again... like what my ate lectured me before, 'if you want something from him, tell him... ask him..." ipa-alam ko daw kung ano ang gusto ko para fair for the guy... makes a point... and now that i'm thinking about it, pinasakit ko lang ulo ko... kung naglambing naman ako, i'm sure it would have been granted... baka nga reciprocated pa with another lambing from him... (kinilig naman ako dun....)

piolo... haaaay... natural... forgive... baka may taping... busy... it's not his fault if he's swamped with projects at puno ang schedule... like my angel, come to think of it... and i am pretty sure, kung nahanap lang siya ni chelsea and nalaman ni P.P. na may sakit ako, i'm sure he'd make me a 'get well soon' message... i'm sure my whim will be granted.

having explained my position and evaluation on my angel and my P.P.... you should somehow be able to understand kung bakit inis ako kay kalbo... if you don't get it, mahina ka... pero mas mahina ako sa 'yo kasi ako ang ultimate engot.... ewan.

kasi po... kasi... both my angel and my P.P. is simply unaware of how i was... eh itong si kalbo, nasabihan...alam niya... nabalitaan siya eh... yet... what? wala.... dedma di ba? porke alam eh...

okay...okay...i so swear... hindi kita ulit papansinin... what ever happens, di na kita papansinin... as in ha, HINDI NA KITA PAPANSININ... i can be civil but i am a changed prue to you... kung ako man nagpalaki ng ulo mo, pwes...ako din magpapaliit diyan! hayaan kong mag-isip ka kung bakit... and the next time na magpapansin ka, titi mong sana comang din tulad ng braso mo... i will not indulge.

(hmmmm..nawala yung artistic churva nung title sa body... masyado akong nadala.... okay..ganito na lang...)

WALA AKONG MAASAHANG TIBAY SA INYONG TATLO, BUTI PA SI TYLENOL, NAPAGALING AKO!

(oks na 'yan... hahaha!)

sick again...

after ten sneezes, i decided to put on blog my demise...

how amazing... can you actually be sick with fever twice in a row within two weeks? i guess.... i am.

got home last last night at 5am... i was with piper and leo... had fun playing around with our blogs... i wonder why i am sick then... i was very up and about that night.

the next thing i know, i couldn't bring myself to get up at 10:30am yesterday... my head feels heavy and with a runny nose... im suppose to have a meeting with korina regarding the set... baka kaya?

anyway, hey piper im sorry for the silence yesterday... if not unconcious, i was really feeling weak to text or even charge my phone... i wasn't even able to pick up elton's call...

i'd like to make special mention manny, arma, and chelsea for whole heartedly taking care of me and voluntarily going to mercury at 3am kanina for my meds and soup.

and also to weng who is patiently putting on blog this dictation... hahaha... by the way, pakshit ka weng! nahawa ata ako sa'yo.

fear of getting old...

i think it was a week ago when Manny interested me about the feature of discovery channel (not sure...) on people who fear getting old... we were just talking about it 2 nights before he saw it... i remember telling him "sobra akong takot tumanda..." that just thinking about it practically creeps me out...

here i am, suddenly researching on it...

GETTING OLD PHOBIA:
(Gerascophobia, Gerontophobia, Fear of Old People, and Fear of Growing Old)

1: getting old phobia: a persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of growing old or old people , despite the understanding by the phobic individual and reassurance by others that there is no danger. 2: getting old phobia: a strong fear of, dislike of, or aversion to growing old or old people...


not all my friends know... well, i am actually not sure who knows about it but i am sure i've shared this with close friends... other than the fact that i fear growing old ALONE, it is the "growing old" per se that i am so terrified with...

okay... this may be the reason why my perceptions on death is so unorthodox... it isn't like as if i invite death to come my way but i hope it does before i wrinkle to kingdom come...

what about growing old anyway?

i don't know... i guess i don't want to be walking with my back arched... bald or with gray hairs... wrinkled skin, if not sagged fats...

ewan ko...basta... i feel that no matter how much i swear to be smiling everyday even when i'm old, the thought that you're life is wilting away scares me...

but is it really just those?

i don't want to reach the age when i can barely recognize the people around me... not remembering their names... not being able to wrestle... that i will have to be accompanied everywhere i go... kung meron mang aalalay sa akin...

i want to be remembered young...vibrant... full of life... free-spirited...

able to throw the tighest embrace and the warmest smile...

and gahd, i just realized now... what if i unfortunately don't lose weight by the time i'm 60...? inaykopo...! paano na? with bones so weak... grabe... baka i won't be able to get up from the bed na... hahaha!


can you imagine?

just a passing moment...

The thing is, I may as well be one of those living dead that I see walking around me, people whose lives have lost the color of life... the spontaneity... the 'let's enjoy the spur of the moment' principle...

that is the result of the occasional abandonment of sanity by one like me who has the pure zest for existence... that i'd like to believe.

The toil of the regular days in production... when work and other seemingly urgent responsibilities take too much out of my life, which eventually reveal as emptiness... 10 years and nada...

this is what i detest or should learn to... it has a way of getting into my supposedly planned-out free-spirited life...

but since i wasn't careful enough... now i'm back to being a zombie... no life... just walks around...

i am again a beast... jaded and bitter...

WAKE UP... WAKE-UP PRUE... it is just a bad dream... it will be over some time soon... just hold on to sanity...

and now i begin...

this is the start of a personal project and what will be an incessant work in progress until THE DAY...

just wanted to give it a test.. and so i begun with the first capsule of the chronicle...

a very rough execution... the mats... the transitions... the effects... the pulse on the editing... only the music is good to go... it's by the way only one of a long repertoire...

hmmmm.. i can't talk much about it for now... i am actually elated... ironic? to feel that way about a such a project... i don't know... pretty heretic...

hey, if anyone intends to preview, i suggest you pause my default music for the meantime...

and don't judge it... not just yet... like i said... nothing is final but the song... even the visuals will be changed...



and until then i've sunrises to behold...

fight it...

for now... i need my sight of the sea... i need the cool breeze to brush my arms and face which by the way is just outside but i am stuck in the office... i miss my angel... i miss the good conversation... the laughter... oh gaaahd... what wrong did i do? need i ask? tanga!

one sunrise... just one... please... i feel suffocated now... i am not complaining God... please don't take it as that... you know what i mean... help me have that choir... i want it...make me want it more so i can work at it...

my clock seems to tick faster now... when was my last tawa with the halliwels? i haven't touched my harry potter book? will i ever? oh gaaaaaad... of course i will... you see, i am just terrified... i can feel it coming back...

prue...prue...fight it... don't let it... please prue... i feel like crying... not because of the pressure...not becasue of the load of work...magaan pa nga kung tutuusin... it's the feeling that some things are being stolen from me again... how come explaining to people is difficult again? how come lumalabas ulit litid sa leeg ko? your fault... not anybody else'...

i can feel that i am not happy... something i did... shit! no... no... fight it...

it is just momentous.... it won't be like this everyday... not every week... it won't happen again...

brace yourself prue... you are just overreacting... am i? she seems to be everywhere again... meetings, phone calls, text... gaaahd... not my dreams...please... okay...okay... enough...

next weekend... i'll have an overnight i calatagan... dun sa beach na pinuntahan namin ni jessie... all i need is just an overnight... stars, the shore, the whispering sea... oh... the sunrise.... the spirit is growing... okay... okay... i am now smiling... i have somehting to look forward to now... yes...that's it...

il bring myself to the beach... peace and quiet... i can still do that...